Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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