I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
