I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He did a backflip because drugs
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
