What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
