Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
