I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
