just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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