1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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