you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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