i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
