another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
