hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
