This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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