He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
