Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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