I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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