somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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