I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
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you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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