if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
