I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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