Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We left the knife in your bed.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
