Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
