I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
