I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
