Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
