Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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