I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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