tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
