So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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