i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
