garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
