You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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