I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
