my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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