WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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