do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
