you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
