just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize