Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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