I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
