dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
