I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
