he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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