the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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