Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
