vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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