It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Is it because I queefed?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize