I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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