I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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