I hate all girls vehemently.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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