I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize