I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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