U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
