my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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