whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
