Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
