im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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