He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
