I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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