Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize