When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
