I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
