Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
MIDGETS
????
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
