Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
