seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
