She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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