Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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