man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
