made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
