I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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