I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
