don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
