wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
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