i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You were trust falling into bushes
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
