I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
