Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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