That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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