Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
